Harry Potter and the Power of Crap
by Kratos35142
Summary: I had writers block. Still have writers block. Enough said.


Okay...Before start I would like to say, No I'm not crazy! The reason I made this lowly piece of crap is for educational purposes. Yep, that's right. _Educational purposes_. And you ask, "Why would you make the horrible piece of writing that is an afront to everything we hold dear?" I'll tell you why. The scurge of and every other writing site in the universe. WRITER'S BLOCK! There I said it. I was having major writer's block and needed to vent some frustration so...this. "But how is that educational?" you say. I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and learn how to flame better.

Anyway, on to the disclamer.

You know what? I Donotown every charector in this fic. And there is nothing you can do about it. (Just try and sue me)

Thy Unholy Piece of Crap a 20 mintute production

Filch was pacing around his office with a mirror he had just confiscated from that Potter boy. If anything could tell him how to defeat Potter, it was this mirror. Unfortunitly, he hadn't been able to crack the code the boy had used to lock it, but it was only a matter of time.

Suddenly an idea occured to the cartaker. "It couldn't really be that corny" he said to no-one in particular, "Could it?" He hald the mirror in front of his face. "Mirror mirror in my hand." he began "Who's the hottest in the land."

"You master." The mirror said in response

"Very good." said Filch "Now tell me how to catch Potter and give him to my master"

"It is all very simple." the mirror said "First you must..."

And all that night students heard hidiously evil laughter echoing through the halls.

Harry woke with a start. He had no idea why but he felt like somthing truly horrible would happen that day. Getting up he noticed the Creevly brother trying to hide with a rather pitiful disillusionment charm. If it had been anybody else he would have put so many curses on them they would'nt even know how to pick their nose. However, being the Creevly brothers Harry saw no reason to torture them. Insted he would let them think they were good at being sneaky.

Walking out of the dorm he stop when he saw Hermione. 'Wow' he thought, 'I wonder why she's dressed like that.' She was wearing skin tight, bright purple, rubber pants with a pink tube top. To compleate the effect of "crazy" she had painted her nails orange and put her hair in a mohawk. 'Did she lose a bet?'

However, before he had the chance to ask Hermione had noticed his stare. "If your going to ask why I'm wearing this all I'm saying is that it's because of Luna." she said as she walked off.

"Luna" Harry said to the air "What did you do?" With that Luna appered beside Harry.

"You called?" she said trying her best to look compeatly innocent. Too bad for her Harry knew her better than that.

"Yes I did, Luna. What did you do to Hermione to make her wear those cloths? McGonagall is going to have a fit when she hears about what you did to her prized student."

"Well," Luna began, "Its not really what _I_ did more as what _she_ did."

"And what per-say did she do?"

"She said I should support her with S.P.E.W."

"I said if I'm gonna make a fool of myself then she has to as well."

"And you thought dressing Hermione up like that would be enough humiliation?"

"Well...I did do somthing to the cloths"

"And that would be?"

"You remember how I became part house-elf?"

"Yes," said Harry.

How could he forget? Luna had been convinced that the ministry was going to release a potion into the water supply that would make all blonds lose all loyalty to everyone they felt near to. In order to counter this Luna had attempted to inject herself with house-elf blood, the most loyal creatures on the planet. Remus had suggested that she just become an animagus dog but _that_ would have been too simple. "That's exactly what they expect people to do." she had said "I'm gonna do somthing differant." Well it certainly was differant. None of them had expected for the elf blood to fuse with the human blood turning Luna into a part house-elf part human thing, but it had. She definitly was more loyal now, to Harry. She also had elf-like qualities. Her ears were pointed and her face was more triangular. She now had the ability to become invisable at will and the ability to apparate even inside Hogwarts. Unfortuinly it had come with some side-effects. Among them was an uncontrolable urge to clean at night and a reduction in her skills with a wand. She was now the official spy of the group, spying on teachers, or students, that the D.A. felt were a threat.

"You didn't inject Hermione with house-elf blood, did you?" Harry asked

"Of course not." said Luna "All I did was put a nice charm on it that made her act like a house-elf to anybody blond. Looking back though, that probably wasn't the best idea."

"Why's that?" asked Harry

"Malfoy's blond."

I would like to take this opertunity to call for a brief intermission. That's right people, stop staring at the screen and look out that window. See the sky? Nope? Okay. Just some backround on the story. After Albus died the order began to be led by none other than Fudge. That's right, Fudge. This was because Scrimgeour, in all his wisdom, had decided fudge was best for the job. This led to the order becoming mostly controlled by the ministry. Anyway, this caused a rift in the order. Some were okay with the order being under control of the ministry (Percy, Umbridge, Fudge, basicly that group) while others (The Weaslys, Remus, Tonks, basicly everybody who was in the order under Albus) decided to join Harry in the D.A. They had chosen their base as Hogwarts, more accuratly, the chamber of secrets. Harry had found a way for non-parseltounge speakers to enter, (Which I won't get into now. Just pretend its a critical plot point.) and upon such, had moved the D.A. to the chamber. Basicly the Hierarchy is...

1. Harry

2. Harry's closest friends (This would include Hermione, Ron, Remus, Moody, Tonks...get the picture?)

3. Everybody else

4. The twins (they get their own catagory because Fred died in book seven and they're better than you. Basicly they run research and development.)

Basicly there are now three sides. Harry, Voldy, and Ministry.

Anyway, enough with the intermission. Back to the crap.

Harry sat alone in the comon room thinking. He basicly had two options, ruin Luna's fun or protect the mission. On one hand was the fate of the universe. In the other, his life. Luna was scary when somone interrupted her fun. He could just make sure Hermione stayed in the common room all day but Luna would get her revenge on Harry. 'What are you doing Harry?' he asked himself. 'Malfoy dosn't even go to hogwarts. What are the odds that he would show up today of all days?'

Having decided he would just leave Luna to her fun, he got up and left the common room. Upon leaving the common room he ran into his second least favorite person in the world, Filch.

"Potter" he said, "Just the miscreant I was looking for. Come with me." Harry followed, but only to keep up the antic that he was still a mostly normal student. Strangly, Filch didn't look at all angry. Harry could have sworn he had seen happiness in his eyes.

'What has filch got up his sleeve?' thought Harry 'And what could he possibly be thinking of doing?' Noticing Filch was leading him to a part of the dungens nobody ever went Harry began to get anxious. Harry saw Filch reach into his pocket and start to pull somthing out.

Suddenly Filch yanked out a gun and began firing on Harry. Luckily, Harry had been ready and had dove into a passage. "Why are you running Potter? Show us what the Chosen one can do."

"Who's us? You goning crazy in your old age." Suddenly Harry heard "**Reducto**" and Harry was thrown aginst the wall. The last thing he saw before fainting was Filch standing next to the Creevly brothers with their wands raised.

"Good job, Filch." said Collin "You'll get your share once we're done with him."

"Thank you, masters" Filch replied just as Harry passed out.

Bet you wern't expecting that huh? Again, don't expect this to be continued... Though if anyone would like to ake it and run with it... HAVE FUN!

oh... and one more thing...

PLEASE FLAME UNLESS YOU THOUGHT IT WAS PERFECT! (that means everyone should flame)


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